Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
