no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
