do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
