then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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