I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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