so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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