me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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