Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
