i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
