I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Randomize
