So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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