I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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