it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
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I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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