boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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