How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
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