You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
We don't watch enough power rangers
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
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