im having a threesome with these popsicles
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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