i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Randomize
