We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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