is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I want her autograph on my taint
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
