I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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