I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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