just survived the first fart of the relationship.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
they call him Oral-B. enough said
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
