Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
This toilet bowl is my home.
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