Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
