Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
