I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
