is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
