I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
i love accidental penises.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
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