Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
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