i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I'm getting married
To pizza
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
