im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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