Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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