Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
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