What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
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