i think my tv is drunk
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
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