it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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