I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
