last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
