where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
My Higher Power is John Stamos
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
