how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
