i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
