why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
