I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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