I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
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