Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

(323): View more from California

i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.

(918): View more from Oklahoma

Special does not even begin to describe that text.

Fav 6 4143 2040
share tweet
(612): View more from Minnesota

How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk

Fav 7 1245 3725
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(520): View more from Arizona

But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.

Fav 35 6094 985
share tweet
(262): View more from Wisconsin

Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.

(262): View more from Wisconsin

I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.

Fav 18 1009 2032
share tweet
19 Characteristics That Make People Instantly Attractive
Read it at the TFLN blog
(810): View more from Michigan

I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.

Fav 6 826 1740
share tweet
(208): View more from Idaho

He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.

Fav 12 1124 924
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(612): View more from Minnesota

Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.

Fav 2 1147 782
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(216): View more from Ohio

The dysfunction is strong in this one.

Fav 1 223 183
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(310): View more from California

Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you

Fav 1 34 2
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT