Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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