i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
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I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
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i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you