haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
