you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Sorry my hands just texted you
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
