Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
