You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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