She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
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