I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
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