Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
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