i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
