Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
