i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
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