im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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