I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
