Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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