No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
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