There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
