smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
