I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
