did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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